We all struggle to find the time to do certain tasks and balancing is something that seems to be elusive. Let me share something with you that may be helpful. There were two sentences that have dramatically changed my life. The first was in a book, titled Life After Trauma, by Rosenbloom and Williams (1999). As a relatively recent survivor of a life-threatening attack, I sought out a book that would help me to put my life back in order. I determined that I sought to be better than I was before the incident. The first life-changing sentence identified the first step in that very long journey:
"Do unto yourself as you would do unto others" (p.91).
In other words, put yourself first. Make yourself and your goals a priority. Do those things that you often find yourself advising others to do. Take your own advice. Take the time out each day to think about those goals that are most important. I made a list of goals, things that I wanted to do for myself. One of which was to develop a plan to get to know myself. I want to be my own best friend: laughing at myself, loving myself, knowing intimately how my mind, body, and soul work together. Another goal was to learn to make time to put myself first, to spend time making me a better person - a better wife, daughter, educator, employee, leader, scholar, etc. Remember not to confuse goals with tasks. The latter consists of only those things that you feel have to be accomplished, while goals would capture the accomplishments and successes that make you feel good at the end of the day.
The second sentence that changed my life falls right in after that and can be attributed to Stephen R. Covey (2003):
"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities" (p.77)
I'd always thought I was doing this, until I came across that sentence. So, I reorganized my planning. I wrote a list of true priorities by asking and answering the some of the questions that are often overlooked in this era of hustle and bustle. I asked myself: What is truly important to me? How would I like to live my life, and What would make my heart happy? When I answered these questions, I realized that my relationships with myself, my family, and my friends; my spiritual journey; my continual self-improvement via unmitigated self-awareness; the financial welfare of my family; and my professional growth and development.
With these questions answered, I printed a blank calendar for the week. And, for the first week, I wrote down everything I did. Everything. Then, on Saturday morning, before my husband or family could distract me, I sat down and crossed off everything on the list that didn't fit in the above description. Amazingly, so much of my time was being spent on other people's priorities!!!! I was shocked at how much attention I'd given everyone else, in unbelievable contrast to the lack thereof for myself. The next step was to change it. So, I created a schedule that began with my priorities filled in. Any blank time could be consumed by those 'non-importants;' but I scheduled everything as if it were an appointment. I scheduled time with my husband, lunch (I had not taken a lunch at work in over a year), gym time, personal meditation, church/fellowship time, and of course, my job and my school work. What I found was that, when I do more for me, I am able to do more for others. If we are to praise the concept of servant leadership, then we should find ways to apply it and recognize that you cannot do for others what you cannot do for yourself. What I once thought as selfish has turned into the only means by which selflessness can continue to exist.
I cannot tell you how much this activity has done to enhance my work/life/school/family/volunteer service/spiritual journey balance. I strongly encourage any and everyone to take that time to provide yourself with the care that you need.
Resources:
Covey, Stephen R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons In Personal Change. Free Press: New York.
Covey, Stephen R. (2003). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Personal Workbook. Free Press: New York
Rosenbloom, D. and Williams, M. (1999). Life After Trauma: A Workbook For Healing.The Gulford Press: New York
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