Nicole in Korea 9

Happy Holidays!!!

I know it has been about a month since I sent out my last edition but I have been super busy! I have been belly dancing so much I think I am beginning to do it in my sleep! Between the performances and salsa dancing on the weekends, and my lunatic personal trainer, I am getting pretty fit! I think my personal trainer is becoming obsessed! I am going to have to slide out of there soon before I disappear!

Work is great! I got a raise and a bonus! I have been recognized as an S-level teacher (which is the highest level) and everything is going pretty smoothly. I have been doing winter intensives, which means I teach three classes a day instead of two. It sounds like something simple, but it is really pretty intense (I suppose that’s why they are called ‘intensives’, huh?). As you all know, I am not good with staying completely put for long so I am looking into teaching for the Department of Defense Schools- which would allow me to teach AND travel as I please…and the benefits are GREAT! I am sure that working for the DOD School System will be a plus on my resume when I apply for the Secretary of Education position in 20 years….or I can work for DODS and retire altogether in 20….with full benefits!

My health is doing wonderfully…for the most part! I still need to figure out how to get some more iron and sugar into my blood stream but I am sure that will work itself out! I am even undergoing an allergy treatment to convince my body that caffeine is not a bad thing! I have been increasing tolerance and maybe by the end of March or April, I’ll be able to have a cup of green tea! or a Rum and Coke! (Lol…just kidding)

The weather is becoming easier to deal with. I am slowly figuring out how to stay warm! As usual though, I cannot keep my hands warm…I don’t think I get blood to my hands or something because they are always cold! And my feet too! Below is the view out of my window! We’ll see how it feels in January. I am investing in good warm gloves….
God I miss the tropical weather!

I find time to socialize and enjoy things. Everyday is great! I have had no bad days here! I think it’s just a different attitude about things that has transformed all of my days! I am very very happy. I cannot think of another time in my life that I have even come close to the level of happiness that I am experiencing here. I feel like I am working with a purpose. I am in love with life and that is just the best feeling ever!

I miss you all so much. I have decided that if I do stay over here in Korea for another year or more, then, I will return to the US for a month or so to see everyone…and to go shopping!!!! I need to shop in stores where a size 6 is not considered Large… a 10 is plus size!!

I have never felt more blessed than I do at this very moment! And I must say that each of you has contributed to this moment in one way or another… I love ya’ll!!

Just Put the Baggage Down

Many times, I have thought about how each experience, each new encounter, each new person, each new thought adds color to my life. The richness of the lessons I learn, from the feelings I have the opportunity to personally define and recreate, have proven essential to the redecoration of my life.

When we date, in the years before marriage (or in those years between marriages), we enter into a path of successive approximation, whereby we gradually increase our standards and move closer to our goal incrementally. By dating and getting to know other people more intimately, we somehow find ourselves revealing our own idiosyncrasies to the world around us. We develop and demarcate specific standards that correspond to our personal needs, wants, and expectations for the future.

That scary moment comes when we decide that the dating stage is over. That moment when we determine that we have grown to a point from which we would like to share future growth with one other individual, is one of the most heart wrenching moments in our lives. That minute when we realize that building ourselves through families and partnerships is life changing. For once that moment has come, our actions and attitudes toward those who have not reached this point, change drastically, as do our attitudes toward dating in general.

Each of us looks back in reflection and says: Who have I become? Who do I want to become? And how can this person help me to get there? This is when relationships drastically end, become immobilized, or take sharp unexpected turns to get on the desired course. Unfortunately, those desires and expectations are not aligned with reality and the courses ends in a devastating collision between reality and make believe. And, then what?

I was desperately trying to avoid this collision. And in my avoidance, I may have chosen to avoid relationships altogether, constantly seeking flaws in my mate or myself that would prevent me from committing to such a catastrophe. I determined that I was not CAPABLE of a serious long term relationship, or marriage. I conceded to not being ‘wifey material.’ I used everything, my illness, my weight, my location, my past, everything, as excuses as to why I should just be alone. It almost immobilized me.

So, now, instead of trying to predetermine my own path, I have resigned to allow my footsteps to be lead by God’s will. And suddenly, I don’t feel so afraid. I know now, that I am being groomed and cultivated like a flower in a meadow, by every person I encounter, by every relationship I enter, by every path that crosses mine. While I am not looking for anything from anyone, I will not run from a serious relationship anymore…I am going to listen to my heart more and I know that as soon as God thinks I am ready, he’ll send someone…when I least expect it.

Recently, I have been blessed with encounters with many wonderful people. I have, as a result, begun to blossom as a person. I have begun to express myself, defend myself, and to be honest with others and myself, no matter the perceived consequences. The more I grow as a person, the less I need to lean on my baggage. I am also learning how to pack lightly--getting rid of the things I don't need to carry around, and learning how to just put the baggage down for a little while. I mean, who travels and carries their bags with them all day, everyday? This is my journey, I can leave the bags for a while.