Lesson 1: The ABCs of You

The ABC’s of You

As with any relationship, things must start from the beginning. For me, as a teacher, that’s usually the ABCs. One thing about the ABCs is that once you learn them, you usually never forget them. The same holds true for you.

Each letter of the alphabet forms words, which form sentences, which form meaning. You have earned your letters and allowed me to begin to form meaning. Thank you.

Absolutely
Breathtaking,
Confidently Charming,
Down to
Earth,
Fine as hell,
Getatable but guarded, Gentle,
Honest, Hard working,
Introspective, Impressive, Intelligent
Jaunty,
Kindhearted, Knowledgeable
Liberating, Loving,
Magnanimous, Meaningful,
Normal (while still rare! SMILE),
Observant,
Positive, Productive,
Quality,
Respectful, Respectable, Right,
Sexy, Sophisticated, Sensual,
Tough, Talented,
Understanding, Undeniable, Unprecedented,
Vivacious,
WOW! Witty and with
X-ray vision into my mind,
Yoga couldn’t relax me more,
Zealous, zestful.

Love Letter (Part II)

As I lay next to you, holding you; you holding me, I feel like a butterfly just freed from its cocoon. I listen to your heart as it beats, telling me how much you love me. I lay with you, in the heat of the night and I pray that you will never leave. And then, as if you had read my thoughts, you gently caress me and promise me you’ll always be here. Oh my God! I am really falling…

Now, with the aroma of love working like lavender, and as the world begins to fade into a wonderland behind my eyes, I hear you breathing. I listen as our breaths become one, synchronized in perfect harmony. I dream, you dream…I am falling…

At dawn, you are there, still holding me. You gently caress my arms to wake me. “Hey, gorgeous,” I hear you say. You slowly lift me and take me to the window. As we sit there, in each other’s arms, we watch the sun wake up the world. You say to me, in a soft, gentle voice: “Dawn is one of God’s most beautiful gifts to the world...And you, you are God’s most beautiful gift to me.” I smile, turn to you and tell you what my heart has been trying to say, “I love you.” You pull me closer to you, hold me tightly, and say, “I love you, too.” And with that, I know, I have fallen deeply in love with you.


May this love letter never end.


Love Always,


Doriannicole

On a whole notha level

By chance doesn't exist. Whenever we step out of our daily routine, it isn't by chance. We may not have planned it, but it happened for a reason. I am convinced that this purpose exists even when we cannot readily identify it.

For instance, I met a man in the parking lot of Moffitt about two months ago. I was there late, visiting Christa and I'd parked in a new place. In the car next to mine sat a man, whose spirit seemed so low and trampled. I got into my car, looked his direction and gave him the most genuine smile I knew how to give and I let my eyes linger for just a moment as if to say: "Smile, everything is going to be alright." I put my car in reverse, and backed out of my space. I never looked back over at him. That night, I added him to my prayers and asked that his spirit be uplifted (because 'nobody should look that pitiful,' I added to God).

Last Saturday, on my way into Moffitt for my own treatments, my spirit felt like a withering flower. My mind was full of emptiness and my heart just wasn't into it. At the elevator, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I turned to find the man from the parking lot. I didn't immediately recognize him and I politely asked for a refresher. He told me,"You told me to keep my head up when no one else even saw it down. Thank you. You couldn't know how much that meant to me." I then remembered him from the parking lot and decided that smiles are contagious, joy is contagious, and the power of prayer is awesome. But I also learned the value in going out of your way to try to life someone's spirit.

One never knows who is looking to him for help, understanding, and peace of mind. You must acknowledge the power of prayer, the power of life, and the power of a smile.

Healing

Don't be discouraged

Joy comes in the morning

Know that God is nigh

Stand still and look up

God is going to show up

He is standing by.

There's healing for your sorrow

Healing for your pain

Healing for your spirit

There's shelter from the rain

Lord send the healing

For this we know

There is a balm in Gilead

For there's a balm in Gilead

There is a balm in Gilead

To heal the soul

Healing for the soul

---Richard Smallwood, Live in Detroit

Hair cut!

Apparently, I am remiss in posting more recent pictures, as I have cut my hair since I started this blog. From the comments that have been posted, I should have more up-to-date pictures. Well, just to show that I listen to you, here is a picture:

But PLEASE don't get it twisted!! This is MY blog! If I want to be outdated, then that's my PERROGATIVE!!! Love ya'll anyway!

For you Brandon and Brian! Love, Aunt Dori Nic

This is just a shot out to my babies!!! My nephews are getting so big!! They keep me grounded and let me know that our future looks as bright as it ever did.

I think it must be explicitly stated....

Over the last couple of months, I have recieved lots of commentary about the nature of my posts. I just write what I feel like writing. Some days, I am more into politics; other times, I am into my more private thoughts.

I am not bound by any rules or regulations as they pertain to my writing. I just write. While one's writing is definitely to some extent a reflection of its author , it is not necessarily a mirror reflection by which the audience should make assumptions or pass judgement.

With that being said, I am compelled to add the following:
* Don't hate because I have inspiration for my poems!
* If for some reason, you do not like what you read, DON'T READ IT!
* I am not concerned with your images of who I am and what I stand for; I am not in a position in which I have to answer to you and, quite frankly, you are NOT in a position to question or demand an explanation from me.

The Touch

It starts with a touch. A calming, soothing, relaxing touch. A touch that defines the boundaries of our relationship. This touch slowly expands the borders of our friendship and lurks premeditatedly in pleasure spots uncharted on his map. In fact, he is like Columbus, in that he is “discovering” places not necessarily untouched or unknown, just foreign to him. With the gentlest of gestures and the most chilling warmth, like ice cubes in hot steamy coffee, my inhibitions are placed aside and my body taken over by the touch.

I cannot speak, my mind stops functioning, and my body controls itself. Like a plant drawn to sunlight, my body is drawn to your touch. Suddenly, I am addicted to the warmth of your hands and the high I get from the rush of passion to the surface of my skin. Suddenly, it’s a drug I can’t get enough of ...what am I doing? This was not in the plan! I think in a futile effort to rescue myself from the impending danger. But the thoughts never make it to the surface for air… they drown in a sea of ecstasy.

I, too, am cast under your spell as you feed rhythm to my hips. The waves in my sea surge to heights unimaginable as my breathing becomes like Category 5 winds, heavy and uncontrollable. As you sail southbound, the danger increases, the storm is unpredictable and unrelenting. Now, the sea is dangerous, the winds are at full force, and the earth, the whole damn universe is trembling.
Unexpectedly, I am able to call out for help. I scream into the wind and brace myself for the force of this storm. Gravity has ceased to exist and I am now floating…

Everything Has Its Time

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season; a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost five years ago, I was devastated. I could not understand why God felt the need to punish me. I felt betrayed by my body and its Creator. I couldn't understand why. I just kept asking God to give me some explanation. And in His time, He has.

He has enabled me to see that there is a much bigger world out there than the one in which I live. I have seen that my life is but a fiber woven into God's intricately detailed master plan. Without me, the world would not be the same. And without the world, the steps I take within it, and the steps others take, I would not be the same. You see, just like the Bible says, there is a purpose for everything. We may not always see it, but it is there and valid.

In the last five years, I have begun to learn how to live. I have traveled and met many wonderful people. And now, contrary to the predictions of doctors almost five years ago, I am still alive. It took this experience to teach me to put my trust in God and not in man and to recognize Him as the ultimate healer.

Had it not been for this fight with cancer, I would never have been here going to school at USF, and I would never have encountered my most recent inspiration:

There is a seven year old girl named Christa who has been my inspiration during the last few months of my cancer treatments. At seven years old, she hasn't been corrupted by the views of the world and has been able to maintain her relationship with God. This is her third year with cancer and she is dying.

When I met her in early September of 2005, she was like a normal child: loud, funny, vivacious, and full of energy and zeal. But she knew then that she was going to die soon. We had several conversations about death, heaven, and living life while you have it. I felt from the first day we met that she was one of the angels God has placed in my life to help keep me in check.

I have not missed one week without seeing her. I go to visit her on my lunch breaks from work and after class during the weeks. I see her often on the weekends. In November, I cut my hair and donated it to her. She wanted to have hair and God afforded me the opportunity to provide it. It was not even a sacrifice for me. She brings a certain light to my life; one that highlights the positive and cast shadows on the negative so I can hardly see them. She helps me to find purpose in every day. She makes me want to be a better person.

Since August, Christa has been living at Moffitt, the cancer center here in Tampa. She is confined to the premises almost all of the time. Her parents live in the adjacent family living facilities located on the premises. She told me that the only reason she'd want to live longer would be to have the opportunity to travel and see the world's beautiful places. She loves to see post cards and pictures on the internet. In fact, together, we have totally decorated her room with pictures from all over the world. And we visit there, in our day dreams, sometimes.

Just last week, we went to the beach. That is one of Christa's favorite places. It is my favorite place too. It is where heaven touches the earth and where you can hear God's voice in the wind. We did what we needed to do to make our trip to the beach fantastic. So, we put on our bathing suits and put on our shades. We turned the lamp toward us and used a portable heater, to simulate the sun and its warmth. Next, we turned on an oscillating fan, to give us a little breeze. Then we created beach sand by filling our sandboxes with store bought sand, placing warm heat packs on the bottom, and digging our feet in. Then, we play our favorite CD with sounds of the beach, and we lay back and relax. With our eyes closed, we imagine we are really there. We talk to each other about what we see in our minds and we escape reality, just for a few minutes. Her body may be dying but her spirit remains alive and well. More importantly, in the moments of silence, we can talk to God.

Many of us don't have time to really converse with God. We make time for other things, but not for those things most important to our well-being. So with this, I thank God for making time for me to talk to Him and for humbling my spirit.

For Christ I live, and For Christ I die.

The Bigger Picture

Lately, I have been thinking about the people I have encountered over the last year and how my life has changed as a result. I concluded that everyone could be categorized into three different sections: those I knew but just met, those I met but just got to know, and those who have been consistent fixtures in my life.
Among those in the first category would be those people with whom I made instant connections; those with whom my relationship felt so comfortable and easy from the very beginning. I would consider as recent additions to this list; Justilien, David, Curtis, Shamar, Celeste, Sasha, Natasha, Yolanda, and Kevin. Although I met all of them in the past year or so, it feels as if I've know them forever. It is as if we are reading from the same page (on so many different levels.) We just click.
The next category consists of people who, for whatever reason, I had previously met but didn't really get to know well until recently. Their true identities (and mine too) emerged very clearly. Some of these were wonderful, some were disappointing. Among those in this list, one would find: Kumar, David, Stephanie, Erika, Chris, and Jason. Whether positive or not, all of them has had a very positive effect on my life and each is an integral part of what makes me who I am.
The last category, is the most dear to me. My rocks. They are not new additions to my life, but those who were there to help build the foundation. These are the people who have been there for me when it seems no one else cared. They are those who walk with me (on the phone) late at night when I am by myself, those who force me to care about the important things in life, those who enlighten me, who build my spirit with the strength of theirs, those who pray for me, those who let me cry, those who hold my hand, those who sacrifice so that I am not alone.
Those people are my mother, Nikki, Ms. Cookie, Mr. Willie, Breezy, and Caleshia. To all of whom I own much of my success in life. My mother has given all that she has and is always ready to give more. Nikki listens to all of my drama and keeps me sane. Ms. Cookie and Mr. Willie have continued to encourage me and believe in me when I doubted myself. Breezy gives me a standard to keep. She makes me want to be better so that she can follow in good footsteps. And Caleshia has become one of my best friends. When I thought I'd lose my hair to chemotherapy, she was willing to shave hers bald with me so that I wouldn't be alone. When I am drowning in frustration, she performs CPR.

It is truly amazing that our footsteps were mapped out so delicately that we cross each other's paths. This idea serves to give my life purpose and make my relationships meaningful and worth the time. It allows for every person I encounter to give value to my life. It makes me a better person. Thank you.




* The above mentioned lists are in no way and by no means exhaustive.

Un Poemita

La Depresión del Muerte

No puedo hablar, no puedo decir nada
Pues, podría pero no movería el agua.

Nunca he sentido así anteriormente
Como una niña callada de repente.

Entonces, espero que la sientas la emoción
Que dentro la cabeza crea tanta conmoción.

Rezo que puedas oír mis pensamientos
Que, a través de las nubes, intento meter en los cielos

Lágrimas del dolor mi corazón está llorando
La presión de la vida sigue aumentando.

No puedo luchar, no puedo hacer nada
Pues, podría pero no movería el agua.