Everything Has Its Time

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season; a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost five years ago, I was devastated. I could not understand why God felt the need to punish me. I felt betrayed by my body and its Creator. I couldn't understand why. I just kept asking God to give me some explanation. And in His time, He has.

He has enabled me to see that there is a much bigger world out there than the one in which I live. I have seen that my life is but a fiber woven into God's intricately detailed master plan. Without me, the world would not be the same. And without the world, the steps I take within it, and the steps others take, I would not be the same. You see, just like the Bible says, there is a purpose for everything. We may not always see it, but it is there and valid.

In the last five years, I have begun to learn how to live. I have traveled and met many wonderful people. And now, contrary to the predictions of doctors almost five years ago, I am still alive. It took this experience to teach me to put my trust in God and not in man and to recognize Him as the ultimate healer.

Had it not been for this fight with cancer, I would never have been here going to school at USF, and I would never have encountered my most recent inspiration:

There is a seven year old girl named Christa who has been my inspiration during the last few months of my cancer treatments. At seven years old, she hasn't been corrupted by the views of the world and has been able to maintain her relationship with God. This is her third year with cancer and she is dying.

When I met her in early September of 2005, she was like a normal child: loud, funny, vivacious, and full of energy and zeal. But she knew then that she was going to die soon. We had several conversations about death, heaven, and living life while you have it. I felt from the first day we met that she was one of the angels God has placed in my life to help keep me in check.

I have not missed one week without seeing her. I go to visit her on my lunch breaks from work and after class during the weeks. I see her often on the weekends. In November, I cut my hair and donated it to her. She wanted to have hair and God afforded me the opportunity to provide it. It was not even a sacrifice for me. She brings a certain light to my life; one that highlights the positive and cast shadows on the negative so I can hardly see them. She helps me to find purpose in every day. She makes me want to be a better person.

Since August, Christa has been living at Moffitt, the cancer center here in Tampa. She is confined to the premises almost all of the time. Her parents live in the adjacent family living facilities located on the premises. She told me that the only reason she'd want to live longer would be to have the opportunity to travel and see the world's beautiful places. She loves to see post cards and pictures on the internet. In fact, together, we have totally decorated her room with pictures from all over the world. And we visit there, in our day dreams, sometimes.

Just last week, we went to the beach. That is one of Christa's favorite places. It is my favorite place too. It is where heaven touches the earth and where you can hear God's voice in the wind. We did what we needed to do to make our trip to the beach fantastic. So, we put on our bathing suits and put on our shades. We turned the lamp toward us and used a portable heater, to simulate the sun and its warmth. Next, we turned on an oscillating fan, to give us a little breeze. Then we created beach sand by filling our sandboxes with store bought sand, placing warm heat packs on the bottom, and digging our feet in. Then, we play our favorite CD with sounds of the beach, and we lay back and relax. With our eyes closed, we imagine we are really there. We talk to each other about what we see in our minds and we escape reality, just for a few minutes. Her body may be dying but her spirit remains alive and well. More importantly, in the moments of silence, we can talk to God.

Many of us don't have time to really converse with God. We make time for other things, but not for those things most important to our well-being. So with this, I thank God for making time for me to talk to Him and for humbling my spirit.

For Christ I live, and For Christ I die.