Black History Month: Great African American Leaders

Although February should not be the only time we remember our great African-American leaders, it is a time to remember to reflect on where we, as a great nation, come from. Reflection is important if we are to learn from our history and continue to progress. Below is a snippet of some of our great African-American leaders; some of whom you may know, some of whom it you may not:



Paul Cuffe(1759-1817)Paul Cuffe, a free black from Massachusetts, was a shipowner and advocate of sending free blacks voluntarily back to Africa. Cuffe's efforts helped encourage the American Colonization Society to found settlements in what was to become Liberia. Altogether, some 15,000 American blacks moved there during the colonization effort.



Richard Allen(1760-1831)Born a slave, Richard Allen began his career as a clergyman with the conversion of his master. Shrewd and hardworking, Allen bought his freedom and moved to Philadelphia. After being rebuffed at white churches, he formed an independent black Methodist church. In 1816, he became the first bishop of the African Methodist Episcopal Church, the first national organization of its kind. During this era, it was said, Allen's house was never shut "against the friendless, homeless, penniless fugitive from the house of bondage." Allen is also reported by his contemporaries to have had "greater influence upon the colored people of the North than any other man of his times."



Frederick Douglass(1817-1895)Born into slavery on a Maryland farm, Frederick Douglass became the foremost African-American abolitionist in the United States. At the age of 21, he escaped to Massachusetts where he become a lecturer for the Massachusetts Anti-Slavery Society.In 1847, Douglass founded a newspaper, The North Star, whose masthead read: "Right is of no sex -- Truth is of no color -- God is the Father of us all, and we are all Brethren."During the Civil War, Douglass recruited black regiments for the North and spoke eloquently for black suffrage and civil rights.



Sojourner Truth(Isabella) (1820-1883)Born a slave in New York, Sojourner Truth escaped just before the state abolished slavery. Becoming a preacher-prophet, she adopted the name "Sojourner Truth." By 1843, she began touring America denouncing slavery and championing equal rights for blacks and women before religious, abolitionist and women's organizations.Truth visited President Abraham Lincoln at the White House in 1864, then remained in Washington to help runaway slaves. Her last years were spent urging Congress to allocate land and money for freed blacks in the West.



Harriet Tubman(c. 1821-1913)Harriet Tubman was born a slave in Maryland. At age 25, she escaped to freedom. She was to become the most famous conductor on the "Underground Railroad," a secret network of hiding places where fugitive slaves found sanctuary on their way north. All told, she made 19 trips back to the South, helping more than 300 slaves escape to freedom.During the Civil War, Tubman worked for the Union as a nurse, a spy and a scout. At one time $40,000 was offered for her capture. Her later years were given to establishing an old-age home for impoverished blacks.



Booker T. Washington(1856-1915)Booker Taliferro Washington, the most influential African-American leader at the turn of the century was born a slave in Virginia and freed with the Emancipation Proclamation.In 1881, Washington became head of Tuskegee Normal and Industrial Institute in Alabama, where he advocated industrial and agricultural training for African-Americans. Under his leadership the school became one of the nation's leading black universities.After delivering his famous "Atlanta Compromise" speech in 1895, Washington was recognized as the chief spokesman for black Americans. Advocating the dignity of common labor, Washington steered blacks toward careers in agriculture, mechanics and domestic service. In 1900, Washington organized the National Negro Business league which emphasized skill, thrift an black capitalism.



W.E.B. Du Bois(1868-1963)A prominent author, editor and educator, William Edward Burghardt Du Bois obtained a doctorate from Harvard in 1895. In the course of his long career -- as editor of the Crisis, the magazine of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), sociology professor and lecturer -- Du Bois embraced such differing ideologies as equalitarian democracy, pan-Africanism, economic and cultural self-determinism, Marxism and socialism. Throughout his life, he remained a steadfast critic of a society which tolerated discrimination, and he advocated equal opportunity and education as the keys to black advancement. In 1961, at age 93, Du Bois moved to Ghana.



Ida B. Wells-Barnett(1869-1931)The demand for the arrest and punishment of lynchers -- white vigilantes who executed blacks became a major crusade at the turn of the century. An outstanding figure in this movement was Ida B. Wells-Barnett, who in 1895 compiled the first statistical pamphlet on lynching, The Red Record.Wells taught school in Memphis, Tennessee, until she became editor and part-owner of a newspaper, the Memphis Free Speech, which circulated throughout the Mississippi Delta. In 1892, after exposing those who had lynched three young black businessmen in Memphis, her offices were destroyed.Fleeing to Chicago, Wells married Ferdinand Barnett. Both became active in the National Equal Rights League.



A. Philip Randolph(1889-1979)Asa Philip Randolph was one of the most influential labor and civil rights leaders of the 20th century. In 1925, Randolph founded and was elected president of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters, which fought a successful battle for recognition by the railroad companies.In 1941, Randolph threatened President Franklin D. Roosevelt with a mass march on Washington to protest the exclusion of blacks from jobs in defense industries. This led to the establishment of the federal Fair Employment Practices Committee. Randolph also encouraged President Harry S Truman to desegregate the military in 1948.As an elder statesman of the civil rights movement, he was a principal organizer of the March on Washington in 1963.



Roy Wilkins(1901-1981)Roy Wilkins joined the NAACP as assistant secretary in 1931 and became executive director in 1955. Wilkins and more than 700 others were jailed in the spring of 1963 after a mass demonstration against segregation in public facilities in Jackson, Mississippi.Early in his administration, President Lyndon B. Johnson conferred with black leaders, including Wilkins, to enlist support for the civil rights program begun under President John F. Kennedy.



Thurgood Marshall(1908-1993)Thurgood Marshall, the first African-American Supreme Court justice, attended Lincoln University in Pennsylvania and Howard University Law School in Washington, D.C. Admitted to the bar in 1933, he worked with the Baltimore, Maryland, branch of the NAACP and later established its Legal Defense Fund.As chief attorney for the NAACP, Marshall earned a reputation as an exceptional lawyer, winning 32 cases before the U.S. Supreme Court. Marshall's primary target was segregation in all its manifestations: interstate travel, housing laws, voting rights and education. The most celebrated of his victories, the landmark Brown v. the Topeka, Kansas Board of Education in 1954, ended legal segregation in public schools.Marshall was appointed to the U.S. Court of Appeals in 1962 by President Kennedy. He then became the first black to become solicitor general of the United States. In 1967, President Johnson named him the first black Supreme Court justice. He served until 1991, remaining an unceasing advocate for the equality of all Americans.



James Farmer(1920-1999)In 1942, James Farmer founded the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE) during a sit-in at a Chicago restaurant that refused to serve blacks. Farmer directed the organization toward nonviolent protest - sit-ins, boycotts, marches and Freedom Rides. These early demonstrations, protesting segregation in public facilities, were met with hostility and violence. By the 1950s, as a result of direct action by CORE and the NAACP, public facilities in the North opened to blacks.In 1961, Farmer traveled to Montgomery, Alabama, in support of a new round of Freedom Rides. Other civil rights leaders, including Martin Luther King Jr., joined the cause as it gathered momentum.Farmer resigned as national director of CORE in 1966 and turned to teaching. In 1998 he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.



Whitney M. Young, Jr.(1921-1971)Following a distinguished career as a teacher, Whitney Moore Young Jr. was named executive director of the National Urban League in 1961. The league was formed in 1910 to improve the living conditions and employment opportunities for urban blacks.Young was one of the black leaders who advised President Johnson on the landmark Civil Rights Act of 1964. Young served on numerous private and federal commissions related to social welfare. Elements of his "domestic Marshall Plan" were incorporated in the federal antipoverty program during the 1960s.



Benjamin Hooks(1925- )Throughout his career Benjamin Hooks, a lawyer and ordained Baptist minister, has addressed a range of political, economic and social problems confronting African-Americans and other minorities. In 1965, he was appointed a Memphis Criminal Court judge.The first black to serve on the Federal Communications Commission (1972-1978), Hooks was instrumental in paving the way for blacks to own and operate radio and television stations.He was executive director of the NAACP, the nation's oldest civil rights organization from 1977 to 1993. He is chairman of the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee.



Malcolm X(1925-1965)The life and philosophy of Malcolm X have profoundly influenced the thinking of black Americans. Born Malcolm Little, Malcolm X spent much of his childhood in foster homes and state institutions. Arrested at the age of 21, he was given a 10-year sentence. While in jail, he became interested in the Nation of Islam, the Black Muslim sect led by Elijah Muhammad, who advocated separation of the races. Paroled in 1952, he adopted the name Malcolm X, and became a leader of the Black Muslim movement.His eloquence drew a strong following but his popularity and forceful personality led to disputes and ultimately his expulsion from the movement in 1963. He then founded his own organization.Following a pilgrimage to Mecca, Malcolm modified his views and accepted the possibility of working with people of diverse ethnic backgrounds. He was assassinated in 1965 during a speech in New York City. Malcolm X's influence has grown since his death, largely through his autobiography and, most recently, a film.



Ralph Abernathy(1926-1990)Ralph Abernathy, Martin Luther King Jr.'s closest associate, was a prominent figure in the civil rights movement for three decades. In 1955, he helped organize the association to supervise a city-wide bus boycott in Montgomery, Alabama. following the arrest of Rosa Parks, who refused to give up her seat to a white passenger.In 1957, a group of Southern black ministers from 11 states met with King and Abernathy to establish the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC), King was elected president and Abernathy, secretary-treasurer. Under their leadership. the SCLC organized nonviolent marches, sit-ins, boycotts, prayer pilgrimages and voter registration drives protesting segregation in the South. After King's death, Abernathy became president of the SCLC, heading it until 1973.



Andrew Young(1932- )Born in New Orleans, Louisiana, Andrew Jackson Young graduated from Howard University and later was ordained as a minister.While working on a voter-registration project, he met Martin Luther King Jr. and joined the SCLC where he became one of King's most trusted aides. He was active in desegregation campaigns in Birmingham, Alabama, and Chicago, Illinois, and in the 1963 March on Washington. Young became SCLC executive director in 1964 and, after King's death, executive vice president under Ralph Abernathy.Elected to Congress in 1972, he was reelected twice. President Jimmy Carter named him ambassador to the United Nations in 1977. In 1981, he was elected mayor of Atlanta and was reelected overwhelmingly in 1985. Young has been chairman of GoodWorks International, a consulting firm he co-founded, since 1997.



Colin Powell(1937- )Colin Powell became U.S. secretary of state, the first African-American to hold that position, in 2001. Prior to his appointment, he was the chairman of America's Promise -- The Alliance for Youth, a nonprofit organization dedicated to building the character and competence of young people.Powell was a soldier for 35 years and rose to the rank of four-star general. He served as assistant to the president for national security affairs and as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the highest position in the U.S. military, before his retirement in 1993. As chairman, he played a major role in the 1991 Persian Gulf War and in the restructuring of the U.S. military following the end of the Cold War.

Happy New Years!! A Resolution of Unity and Peace

Greetings! Happy New Year to everyone! I hope the new year has been great so far. As a new year's resolution, I would like to do better about keeping in touch with my friends and family. I am hoping to take the time to reconnect with old friends, make and enjoy new friends, and to bridge some gaps among family members. Life is about more than our careers, our titles, our perceived successes and failures or our possessions. Every moment is so precious. Truthfully, at the end of the day, all any of us really have as our own are the relationships with others and the legacies we leave behind.

As the subject indicates, I am in Mississippi. It's a temporary assignment for more training. I am doing well, I am happy for the moment. We all know how hard it is for me to keep still, so expect a new email with a new location soon!

Some of you I've spoken to in the last 10 minutes; others I haven't spoken to in 10 months. Either way, shoot me an email letting me know how you are doing and what's going on in your world! I wish you the best 2009 has to offer!!

Lots of Hugs and Kisses!

Doriannicole

Are you ready to FLY?

Harriet crawled so Frederick could write. Frederick wrote so Rosa could sit. Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked so Barack could run. Barack ran so we all can fly.

*********

20 Jan 2009, the inauguration of America's newest president, is indeed a day of monumental history, great pride and accomplishment for our nation. But, the story must continue. We must all do our part to ensure their lives were not in vain...Harriet, Fredrick, Rosa, Martin, and Barack did it so each of us, no matter our race, ethnicity, creed, sexuality, nationality or gender could carry on the legacy of an America in pursuit of freedom, happiness, and justice for all. Are you ready to take flight?

10 Ways to make a difference in your community:

1. Mentor a child or teenager.
2. Be a good role model, lead by example.
3. Donate time to charitable causes (money is not enough).
4. Contact your local political representative about key issues.
5. Sponsor a child to go to school. (Depending on grade level, this could be as simple as buying school supplies, uniforms, etc.)
6. Contact your local volunteer center for opportunities to serve.
7. Become an organ donor. Donate Blood.
8. Help a teacher grade papers. Make dinner for firefighters. Bake cookies for policemen.
9. Look for the good in ALL people and teach your children to do the same.
10. Think critically. Be willing to step outside the box. And love thy neighbor as you love yourself.

An ObamaNation

Two days later, I still cannot adequately nor completely accurately express into words what the start of an "Obama-nation" means to me or to America. I have been thinking about what others are saying about his monumental and historical victory and decided to compile some of my thoughts:

1. Blacks all over the world should be proud of what Obama has accomplished.
Indeed they should be. We ALL should be proud of what WE have accomplished. Obama launched an awe inspiring campaign 21 months ago. But WE worked side by side, sending donations, volunteering to help, campaigning for him, telling our friends, registering people to vote, but most importantly, believing in a movement greater than ourselves. We must remember, AMERICA voted, not just Black people. It doesn't undermine the accomplishment nor its historical significance. It just to remind us to maintain and foster the unity we developed with each other over the course of this campaign.

2. We were afraid to take a chance, afraid to risk disappointment.
Whoo! That's powerful. I do think that so many of us were afraid to dream, afraid to take a chance, we were so afraid to hope that we have been since that fateful day in 1968 a rather silent people. For the most part, we had been conditioned into a state of complacency. A place where dreams were limited, goals short-term, and life surrounded by the walls of society's box. Yes, we've had the NAACP voicing concerns on the news, the LA riots of 1996, and we petitioned for Aminah Lewall. But, we have not sacrificed and fought for anything like we did this President. Failure would lead to disappointment, so we only attempted what we were sure would be possible. Obama attempted the impossible and succeeded! We are beginning to understand that dreams do come true. In essence, Barack Obama gave us the "Audacity to Hope." Amazing how Obama's book sums so eloquently this campaign.

3. This is important for the upcoming generations.
Actually, Obama's election is important to ALL generations. He inspires everyone, all nationalities, all socioeconomic statuses, all races, all professions. He inspires the old to dream one more time. He inspires the young to push to new heights. He inspires the nation to embrace its diversity and has proven that unity and diversity can coincide gracefully and powerfully. But, the greatest privilege he has given us is our new ability to encourage our children. We have expanded the horizons of their futures. Truly they can be whatever they want to be; we no longer have to shield them from the old perceived 'reality' that the 'world ain't ready for no Black...' We can do anything we put our hearts and minds to do.

4. Barack Obama is going to work primarily on behalf of other Black Americans
That's disappointing to hear. Seriously. Barack Obama won this election with a very sizeable margin. That means people of all colors joined him on his journey to the White House. Why would he just ignore such a massive group of people? Further, during the entire campaign, Obama has preached a message of unity and has demonstrated his desire to work for the country...not a group of people. He wants America to be free and open and truly live up to the Land of Opportunity. He's about creating jobs, repairing the economy, etc...not giving out 'hook ups' to other Black people. A claim like this just highlights the ignorance that still pervades this country.

5. Okay, so now that he's President (Elect), what happens next?
The journey just began. Getting to the White House was akin to finally getting into the car for a long road trip. There are still lots of ground to cover, especially in the next four years. WE must work together to support his initiatives, we must all do our part to help reduce our energy usage, keep our streets clean, take care of our children, support our educators, support our soldiers, etc. We keep working. Leadership requires followership. We are following his lead, learning valuable lessons. Already, during this campaign, we have had lessons on professionalism, the inevitability of hatership, resilience, perserverance, diplomacy, and honesty. In the next 4-8 years, I do believe that more of such lessons will be learned. Eventually, most in America will see the beauty of diversity.

The beautiful part of this election was not just that a Black man was elected President. But that this man has the ability to circumvent the negativity and replace it with new ideas. He educated us, he focused on us, and through his outstanding oratory abilities, he inspired us. He dared to dream, and his dream became a reality.

On Patriotism....

Patriotism is defined as "devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty;" "love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it;" and "love of country; devotion to the welfare of one's country; the virtues and actions of a patriot; the passion which inspires one to serve one's country." Patriotism to me embodies an unconditional reciprocal relationship between one's country and one's spirit; a relationship in which both give for each other, each benefitting from the other; a relationship where the unique and diverse qualities and characteristic of both the individual and the nation are not only accepted but encouraged; a relationship in which the history of each one is an integral part to the history of the nation.
Both candidates for President of the United States have displayed unmistakable patriotism. Both have contributed significantly to the continued growth and development of our relatively young nation. Both have sacrificed many years, albeit through disparate journeys, for the causes of our country. Each have demanded and effected change within the systems, the hearts, the minds, and souls of America. And, for this, we should all be truly grateful.
John McCain served in the US military, fighting in one of the most gruesome wars in American history. He sacrificed much of his life to defend our nation, to save our soldiers, and to promote a positive change in our government. While some of his plans for America might have been contrary to my own personal beliefs, the immense effort and passion that he thrust behind them still managed to stir something within me. His story as a Prisoner of War (POW) is inspiring and serves as a great testament to John McCain's courage and selflessness. His service to the United States can never go unappreciated.
Barack Obama didn't follow the traditional military path. Instead, this great orator has appealed to the masses through their hearts. He has triggered a surge of deep patriotism that has not been felt to this extent in my lifetime.
Of course, after 9/11 everyone was temporarily patriotic. But, it was temporary. Most people resumed their lives, thinking about it as the media blasted it, but dismissing it during the commerical breaks. Some put up flags as a reminder of this country's greatness, some wore wrist bands, some wore lapel flag pins, some sent a donation to organizations that helped others. And, true indeed, some felt their lives changing as that second plane hit the World Trade Center towers. Some felt a sense of patriotism so strong that they left the security of their jobs to help restore America, some enlisted in the US Armed Forces, some took in displaced children. But still, the masses went profoundly unaffected. The effect of the blasts was superficial, shrouded in controversy, and filled with judgment of many: of our government, our President, our nation, and even our neighbors. In many situations, 9/11 caused such an intense fear, not patriotism, that the very diversity that makes this country great, was replaced with separatist hatred. Now, anyone resembling a Muslim, was a terrorist.
Now, Obama may never have served in the Armed Forces. But he has rolled up his sleeves to work in some of the most desperate neighborhoods in this country, making the point that wearing a uniform doesn't make you a patriot. It's not what you wear that defines you, it's who you are inside, as he explained when the media lambasted him for not wearing the 9/11 lapel pin. His patriotism is very deep and sincere and he won this election not just because he came up with an economic plan, but because he incited that patriotic spirit in the atoms of our nation. He reached out to the smallest part of our nation: each person. He, unlike anyone I've ever seen before, recognized the importance of each individual in the success of a nation. He recognized that WE must work to repair America, not just our elected officials. He started from the bottom and reached the "mountaintop" that Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about.
Yes, we made history. We will see the first African-American President ever in America. That is awesome. But more awesome than the color of his skin, was his ability to move people to action. More people registered to vote than in any previous election. People were moved to see past color lines, past party lines, and beyond those things that divide us. Instead his campaign focused on all that made us America, all that united us. That's patriotism. Working from the bottom, devoting time, energy, love, money, and sacrificing for the welfare of America, and inspiring others to do the same is patriotism. He made this fight one for America. WE campaigned, WE sacrificed, WE devoted time, WE believed in something greated than "me," WE believed in US!
Now, WE must continue to work, to strive for change, to work together, to endure together, to make sacrifices, and to lend ourselves for America. Obama is the elected leader, but as such we must do our part to help him to help us be the US we can be. YES WE CAN!

Beyond Aesthetics...

True beauty lies far below the superficial limitations of our visual cues; deeper than our skin complexions, beyond our hairstyles, beneath the layers of fabric (and their brands) we wear.

True intelligence is more profound than titles, roles, degrees. It cannot be measured by the number of books one has read or written. It cannot be determined by shear verbosity, aptitude, testing ability, or naif expertise.

True love is incomparable to anything human. It moves beyond our emotions, our thoughts, our ideas of romance, our notions of family and relationships. It extends past the confines of our imagination, past ourselves. It erases color lines, national boundaries, gang territories, denominations, religious affiliations, and other divisive institutions.

True beauty is the ability to see God in everyone else. When you see beauty in others in spite of their attitudes, dispositions, moral decisions, beliefs, skin color, hair texture, clothing preferences, sexuality, religious affiliations, etc., you choose to see the beauty of God's imagination. You see His creation. The awareness of frivolity of all of the minuscule details we spend our lives 'preventing' or 'lifting' or 'tucking' or 'covering' leads us to see the bigger picture. We see that God created us all in his image. No man inferior to another, rather each man necessary for the survival of the rest. No man walketh a path of life alone. He encounters at least one life, and with just the encounter, changes it.

True intelligence is the understanding that humans will never know it all. We will research and discover and add to our relatively small perception of the world we live in. We will develop schemes to accomplish great tasks, we will turn to doctors for medical advice; lawyers for legal advice. And yes, we can live and make smart and wise decisions; but, we will not uncover genuine intelligence as long as we think we already know what it is. The intelligence we too often forget about comes in the form of gifts, talents that God has given each of us. We value some more than others, but we shouldn't. Without each of these talents the world could not exist as it does, we would not be able to do the jobs we have. Intelligence comes in knowing that there is so much more to understand that stems from a Source far greater than the next laboratory.

And true love. True love is unconditional. It is everlasting and always forgiving. And no matter how many people think they have found it, true love is actually foreign to our world; instead of forgiving, we go to war. True loves says that 'because God made you, I will sacrifice my all for you.' It doesn't ask for your appreciation, a certificate of excellence, or a return of the favor. Just recognition of God's love for you. Human beings cannot love in complete truth. We can love with sincerity. We want to love with everything we have, and we do...but we do not live in complete truth for we cannot live in something which we continuously seek.

In our search for the Truth, we have traveled into places near and far, into other galaxies, onto other planets. But until we take a collective look inside of each one of us we won't find it. Truth lives in us. God is Truth and He resides in all of his creations. The superfluous truth that we live each day is never enough to sustain us. We are constantly searching for more, a greater truth, and more in depth truth, the real truth.... But we are looking to aesthetics to guide us, our brains to figure it out, our hearts to push our emotions, but we don't get to the depths of our own souls. We don't know who we are at our very core.

In learning who God is, we can gain true intelligence. God knows all. No need for a LSAT or GRE to prove that. In learning who God is, we can learn to see the beauty of all of His creations. We can learn to appreciate our earth and all of its inhabitants. And In learning who God is, we can experience the Greatest Love ever to exist. We already have the tools we need. We just need to start digging.

This is you...

Your soul is an open wound, broken stitches, jagged edges. Wounded and repaired, wounded again. 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son....' and yet, he still left you? A soul struggling to hold on to its life. Clinging. . .

Your mind, filled with anger, bitterness, confusion, fear forms a brick wall surrounding your heart and soul. Because of what you know. More, though, because of what you don't know. Your mind searches for answers to questions you can't ask, he's not there to answer, or to which you just don't want to know the answers.

Your heart, though hardened by your life's losses, the disappointments, and the failures of love, is purified like a diamond in the midst of coal. Rare. Clear. Coveted. Valued. Flawless. Waiting to be rescued, waiting to love, waiting to signal your world that you are ready to take a chance. Waiting.

And your body; wanting, giving... makes love but fights wars, caresses yet defends, dancing to its own flavor of music, tasting-no, consuming life with exuberant passion.



This is you.



Moonlit nights, heated by your warmth replay themselves in my mind. Nights of passion, nights of trust... Indulgence.

The smell of your body, your cologne, your scent are refreshed every time I see you. I can remember what you smelled like, I can remember what you felt like...

The taste of your lips, almost as sweet as the words that emanate from them, cause my whole body to shudder with anticipation. Then, the feel of them on my neck, my chest, my breasts, my...

The feel of your strength, strong hands caressing my body, holding me steady, keeping me...guiding me. The strength of your body accepting mine, entering mine--giving me power.

This is you and me.

I cannot express what you do to me. I cannot tell you of my dreams, my fantasies. I cannot tell you that even without touching you, my thoughts betray my inhibitions. I cannot tell you of the ways my world changes for you, how your smile can renew my spirit. I cannot tell you of the place you made in my heart, that will be there even when we part. Ah, when we part...

Sadness, loneliness, heartache will come... I opened doors, moved walls and let you into places I probably will never let anyone again. We will go our separate ways and with me I will carry a precarious mixture of guilt, betrayal, love and lust... but I wouldn't change even one moment...

This is me.

The Key

I can no longer listen to the tintinnabulations of the shackles and chains of my past. I have spent most of my life living in regret, shame and hopelessness. I have already wasted so much of my short life in tears because of what people stole from me.

For years, I have struggled to go nowhere, just anywhere away from the pain of my childhood, the misery of my rape, and the heartaches and suffering of my illness. I have once written that I was not just raped; I was raped and murdered. It was a massacre. My children were murdered. My family was killed. And my hopes and dreams, bludgeoned, beaten, kicked, stabbed, and fatally wounded. I thought God had forsaken me when Dr. Anjins diagnosed me with ovarian cancer. I thought I'd been left to walk the sands of the beach with only one set of footprints.

In reality though, my tears, my lack of focus, my inability to see my life beyond my own set of circumstances, prevented me from being able to see the truth of it all. Because I didn't see it, I thought it wasn't there. I can almost laugh at that notion now. The immaturity of my relationship with God, my shakiness in my faith, my inconsistency in my walk, led me to believe something I knew wasn't true.

How is it that we know that God is real, yet find ways to undermine His presence in our lives? I kept thinking: If God were real and true, then He would never have let these things happen to me. I would ask over and over why God let these things happen to me. Wasn't I a good person? Didn't I do what I was supposed to do?

Funny, because while I have shared my testimony with hundreds of people, learned to pray and meditate again, and truly reestablished my connection with God, I never really understood how God sees me and my circumstances; what His intentions for my life are--until now. Here's where I now stand:

In each level of both my life and my conscious searching for God, He has never

failed to provide me the things for which I fervently asked. He is the provider of

everything my heart could desire and my mind could conjure. There is nothing in this

world, this universe, that He did not create.

Things happened to me, yes. God never intended for my body to be permanently

scarred. He never pushed me into trouble, or even led me down the wrong road. I walked

down a road, I lacked faith, I lacked the spiritual weapons I should have had, I lacked the

vision. I asked God to help me to be closer to my mother. I asked God to bring me together

with my family. I asked God to use me to help other people.

And that's just what He did.

Now, here I am, a creature with emotions and feelings. But, unlike before, I walk in faith. I just step out. I pray, I meditate, I ask God for answers and they come. When they do, I listen. I joined the Air Force because I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others. I believe God heard that and has given me the opportunity to help other people reach their potential, to move past their obstacles, and come closer to him...without ever having done the job I came to the Air Force to do. The obstacles I have encountered just allowed me to find new routes, meet and encourage a new set of people, and share God's love in places I wouldn't have otherwise.

Moreover, God has led other people to me. I have attracted so many 'angels' that look out for me. There are people who come just when I need them the most, calls that come at just the right time, movies or books or speakers that say just what I need them to say, right when I need them to say it. God sends out others who have figured it out so that I can figure it out. My gratitude to have so many people, so much happiness come my way so often, is immeasurable.

The same holds true for all of the baggage to which I have been shackled and chained. God has blessed me with a new perspective. I have a different understanding of events in a person's life for which I have encouragement to share. I have been sent on another path because of those events of my past.

I don't believe you are what you experience, rather, you are the knowledge and the lessons you acquire from what you experience. Knowledge alone isn't power, the courage to apply the knowledge you have is powerful. The openness to reach to a higher source to find answers is powerful. To look within yourself and find that there is nothing you can't do, not because you are so great, but because God is in you, and HE is awesome beyond measure, is an awe inspiring moment. It is a moment so powerful, so overwhelming, that people seldom act on that new understanding.

I can no longer stand to hear the tinkles and chimes of the chains with which I am bound. God has no limitations, God is in me, therefore I have no limitations. Everything I am supposed to be, I am. In Him, I am perfect and true, beautiful in my own way. I don't have to be perfect by the world's standards. I am who I am, true to who I am, and thus perfect at being who God intended me to be.

The Power of the Challenge

I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in love. I believe that every soul on this planet has a purpose; that no one is here serendipitously. I believe that no weapon formed against me shall prosper because I kept in His hands and no man is strong enough to defeat God's power.

I must admit that from time to time, I lose sight of this credence. I forget that I have a purpose and that I am exactly where I am because I am supposed to be at that precise moment. I forget that I have a purpose or that others have purposes in my life. I forget about the power of love...of God's love, of human love, and of self-love.

In my lifetime, I have faced a plethora of challenges. My faith has been tested and proven, time and time again. Each of these tests, some small and some huge, has worked to build the foundation of my faith. I have learned that you can claim to believe in something, you can claim to be faithful to something; but until that faith or belief is challenged, you cannot be sure of its validity and strength.

Nothing is considered factual without study. How do we know if a product works? We test it; with these tests we prove the validity of the claim that it works. Without these tests, the claims are just words without meaning. How do we know that a building is the tallest in the world? We measure it and compare its measurements with those of the rest of the world's buildings. The same holds true for our faith and beliefs.

Everyday, people say they love one another. New couples emerge and they say those three words. And they ask themselves, how do I know this is real? How do I know that he/she loves me? Am I sure that I love him/her? And then, that love is tested. And you know that its real because it endures. I am convinced that this is the reason that couples married for many years often say they love their spouse more today than they did when they got married. How many times has their love been tested in the span of the marriage? The more trials they endure, the stronger the love proves to be.

Every relationship we have works this way. The spiritual relationships, the human relationships, the relationship we have with ourselves, all work this way. To build on a relationship, one must endure tests and trials, to prevail in spite of storms that will certainly assay the strength of that bond.

So, through every test and challenge I experience, I learn to reexamine what I believe. My trials and challenges have proven that God exists, proven the power of prayer, the power of love, and that there is a purpose for everything under the sun... the greatest challenge is learning to let go and accept those purposes, accept love, and to learn to pray for more understanding.

What will I die for?

I once read a quote that said, "You can't know what you live for if you don't know what you'll die for." As I read that quote, a melange of ideas scattered my thoughts. Different themes danced around light heartedly as I, selfishly, thought about vanilla Oreo cookies and other supererogatory material goods. And then, as if God, Himself, were speaking to me, those thoughts suddenly vanished and an overpowering and inextricable set of emotions fell upon me.
In an instant, I thought about the firefighters who lost their lives in the 9/11 attacks. Those men and women who sacrificed themselves for the lives of others. They believed in those people they saved. They believed in the value of each life as the men and women of the trade towers were extracted from the building. They believed that each of those they saved had a purpose and would each make incalculable contributions to our nation. They believed this before the first plane ever took off from that airport. They believed in it the day they took their oath.
In my mind, examples of heroism began to deluge my mind, an irreversible cataclysm of faith. I realized that people do what they do everyday because they have faith in other people. I thought about Christa, my little seven-year-old hero, who with her precocious wisdom, brought me back to reality and, probably, ultimately saved my life. I thought about how much she believed in God's word and how she feared not anything this world could offer or take away. I thought about how, at seven years old, she knew that God had given her life and that in death, He would give her life anew. And she believed it so intently, that she was willing to die for it.
I thought about Jason, the Air Force medic who deployed with the Army six times to Iraq. I thought about how he never once complained when his tours were extended. How he worked through exhaustion, how he sacrificed his family to ensure that others kept their loved ones. I thought about his belief in that flag of 13 stripes and 50 stars, in that uniform and all that it represented, and in this nation, replete with imperfections yet still serving as a beacon of hope for millions around the world. I thought about the children not even born yet that he fought to protect. I thought about the families whose loved ones were kept alive by his heroism. I thought of the way he died in combat, with pride, honor and dignity. He died fighting for more than a victory, he died for what he believed in.
And now, I ask myself again what it is that I am willing to die for. I ask because knowing why I do what I do helps to keep me focused on the task. It helps me to understand that each day may not be easy, that no days may be easy, but that each day is worth it because whether with a hose, my words and prayers, or my m-16, I am a warrior. I am fighting for what I believe in. So today, with absolute certitude, I understand what I life for. I live for my family: my mother, my siblings, my nieces and nephews. I live for my neighborhoods: my students who fight everyday to survive the world. I live for my nation, replete with foibles at every level, but the only place I'd ever want to claim as my own. I live for my love of the human race. But most importantly. I live for God. Jesus died on the cross because He believed in me. What can I do to be worthy of that honor? I can never live to that standard.
As I was writing this, I thought of one more person: Wiline. Every email she has ever sent me summed up my entire understanding; everything I believe falls under the umbrella of the words written in the signature block of her messages to me:

For Christ I live, and for Christ I will die.

To You, Mrs. Middleton

When she was born back in 1988, I had already established my position in the family as the baby. And when she came home and garnered all of the attention of our family and friends, I was bitter and filled with resentment. But as I have grown up, I started to see her with different lenses.

When she was two years old, she watched THE LITTLE MERMAID no less than a thousand times (I'm not really exaggerating in that number). To this day, we quote the movie at every swimming event...and sometimes in completely dry situations. She demanded and drank so much apple juice that I now can barely tolerate the smell of Mott's Apple Juice. I, in my adult life, have NEVER bought apple juice for my household. Thank you, Briana. This is the little girl who screamed and danced in horror at the mere mention of 'ants' or 'ghosts'...she still does...(I'm mischievously smirking now as I type this.)

She was always a princess, beautiful, demanding, mean, and spoiled rotten. I have pictures of her pouting from day one. Smart, learning to spell with music (we should've known then)..."S-L-E-E-P-Y, Sleepy!" she would sing. Then it was her name, then more complicated stuff.... I remember Mommy used to spell EVERYTHING, and I remember the day Briana decided she knew how to spell McDonald's...my mom was stunned. We still tried to spell stuff, but the little slickster understood us anyway...

She knew how to cry and manipulate anyone into having her way. And, as bratty as she was sometimes, I learned early on how sweet and special she is. I hated that she copied everything I did, said, suffered through, wore...now, I see her affection and the flattery she intended in those days. I know how much she respects who we are and yearns to learn all that she can. Her goofy jokes, her sensitivities, her sweet hugs, her warm emails, her loud messages through someone else's phone calls; all serve to show just how special she really is.

I remember telling someone she was 13...and then realized she was 13 three or four years prior! I couldn't believe she was growing up so fast. And now, as I sit here and look at her, I see something completely new. I see this beautiful rose bush whose thorns and thick branches sometimes start trouble at home, but whose awesome delicate flowers overshadow everything else. The buds of her flowers still haven't opened all the way, but they are as bright and ready as any other of God's creations.

I still can't believe she is grown. I still can't believe she is married. I still can't believe how God has blessed us all by her very existence. The sibling rivalries, the trifling and petty arguments and my extreme aversion to apple juice, have all been necessary to all of us. We are who we are today because of them. But, the overwhelming pride I have in her, the unyielding and unconditional love I have for her, the deep respect I have for her and what she is accomplishing, and the great adoration I have for her as my sister are sentiments I am now sharing with her, voluntarily. (Let's not talk about sharing as siblings...lol)

I hope to one day soon follow in her footsteps down that aisle. I hope to be as confident, as beautiful, as ready, as open-minded and as in love as she is right now. Life is short. (Briana may be a little shorter...hey, I am still the big sister!) But, in the two decades we've shared on this planet, I have learned a lot from her. She makes me want to be a better example for her. She pushes me when I need a nudge here and there. She yells through the phone that she loves me, and counts and cherishes each minute I spend with her.
** ** ** ** **
Breezy, I love who you are, and I am excited about who you are becoming. Don't forget to pray and ask for guidance. And know, that for the rest of our lives, you can always count on me. I am proud of the young woman you are. Continue in your diligence, be as good of a wife as you have been a little sister. I love you little one!

Exactly Where I Am...

If there is nothing else that this past year has taught me, it has shown me innumerable times how God has a plan that trumps any plans I can make for myself. With this, there is no possibility that I can be in a place that I should not be.

I pray daily for God to order my steps. I pray for direction and purpose. God answers my prayers everytime. I just don't always like His answer. Sometimes, He allows me to move as I'd planned. However, as soon as my plans aren't aligned with His, He makes modifications.

So, now, I am still here in Texas, upset about not being able to leave and go on to do more training. But each day, I am learning alot about how my presence is needed here. I am able to have relationships that I would probably have never had if I hadn't stepped exactly how I did...if I weren't exactly where I am.

Faith is praying for it, and moving knowing that it will come to pass. Well, I pray for guidance, direction and purpose for each step. God, knowing all, responds and sets up my journey as I manuver my way through various obstacles. I know that the obstacles I face strengthen me and my faith and serve to guide me onto other paths.

So, instead of spending the remainder of my time, lamenting about all of the things I could be doing, or that I should be doing, I am going to take the time to thank God for allowing me to do the things that I find myself doing at that moment. I am going to pray that He continues to order my steps and that I find peace within my situation.

Love: How do you know it's real?

Real love doesn't come everyday. As a person who has just begun to find out what that even means, I am no expert in defining the constraints that permit us to categorize our feelings and emotions under such a title. In fact, I don't think real love is solely emotions or feelings. While those may be the more tangible facets of this phenomenon, it is becoming more clear to me that other aspects present themselves more conspicuously and much less confusingly.

In my own case, I have loved before. I have really felt for someone a kind of love that until now, I thought to be 'real love.' It was. In it's own way... I cared deeply for people. I still care deeply.
But this that I feel now goes further. Much further.

Now, I pray every night that God never let this person walk out of my life. I ask God to make me a better person and to prepare me to be for him what he needs me to be. I ask God to direct my path to follow His will and to help me to be the Christian woman this man deserves. I walk in faith. I cannot give up even when I think I can't take anymore. I walk...blindly into our future. I cannot make decisions without him. The two most important figures in my life are God and my man...even when it seems that neither is present.

I have tried to walk away...but my heart is threaded to his. I am in love with him. I am in love with Him. Both love me. Both speak to my heart. Both amaze me everyday. And I am blessed. One blessed me with the other. The other helps me to look to Him. It's a circle, a cycle of life, and love. And I feel that with both, anything is possible.

Care Package from God

Sometimes when you least expect it, God sends you a care package. The contents of the care package are not always completely understood until you need them. How they will work for you in your life may sometimes remain unknown or appear as negative things. It takes a deep trust and unrelenting faith to be able to accept whatever comes in the care package.

All my life, I have been struggling to define and redefine myself on my own terms. I spent most of my life catering to the needs of other people, always thinking of them before myself. And many times, after spending all I had on them, I left very little or nothing at all for myself. Other times, I fell prey to people whose only interests were themselves and their physical needs and desires. I allowed them to play on my vulnerability, naivety, and later, my hopelessness and frustration.

So, for the last seven and a half years, I have worked diligently to become a better person, to think of others while not sacrificing myself, to reconcile the painful memories of my past, and to take productive measures to improve my future. More importantly, I have developed a much more profound and sincere understanding of my spirituality. I have begun to really assess my beliefs and to develop my spirituality.

I have always known and believed in God, but for several years of my life, I ignored Him. I turned my back to Him and refused to acknowledge His presence in my life or in the world around me. And while I had refused to accept Him, to acknowledge Him, to worship Him, to praise Him, as soon as I was in inescapable trouble, He was the first to be called. And, you know what? He came.

As I have grown, God has placed wonderful people in my path that continue to encourage personal growth. They grow with me, they encourage me, they help me, I help them, we learn together; and when this can no longer happen, our paths separate. They are like ‘angels on an internship’—in and out of your life after just a little while. Each one changing you somehow, making you better somehow, preparing you for what’s to come, for what lies ahead.

And now, as I sit here and reflect on all of the beautiful footprints that have been made next to mine, when I think of all of the positive changes that have come out of my relationships with all of the angel interns, I am amazed. I realize that I am very blessed.

There are times when the contents of these care packages don't seem so much like a blessing. There are times when the pain is more than you think you can bear. But, in the end, the true miracles and blessings, and deeper understanding of God's strength and mercy override the temporary discomfort. Just knowing that pain is temporary, that God can take you out of any situation, and that there are lessons in every situation help me to endure the situations. I have learned to thank God for the things I cannot see directly... for my storms, my doubts...not because I like hard times, but because without them, I wouldn't be able to appreciate the better times, nor would I know His power.

Joy....

On a daily basis, I am asked whether or not I am ALWAYS this happy. And, all who know me usually respond for me (with eyes rolling) with a resounding YES!

It is said that misery loves company. Rarely, if ever, do we consider that happiness also loves company. People want to be happy. I find that we just don't share our happiness as quickly and as openly as we do our misery. So, everyday, I set out to share God's blessings with others.

I don't necessarily have to testify how God has blessed me to share my love for life. I have found that even small doses of laughter, smiles, sincerity, hugs, etc. go a long way. Sharing my joy comes in many forms. I laugh, I smile, I counsel others, I help whenever and how ever I can, and I do only what I can do with a happy heart.

Love of life means love of people. It means love of God. And it means love of self. So each day, I love my neighbors like I love myself. I treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. I try desperately to handle difficult situations in a way that would make God happy.

All of this translates to a life filled with passion, zest, joy, and power. To be blessed with a life that inspires, a life that empowers, a life that enhances, and a life that is dedicated to do good deeds,and glorify His name, is all I ask God for each day.

I am in love...

While living in Korea, I fell in love.

I fell in love first with God. For the first time in my life, I was in forced solitude. Unable to speak Korean and communicate with others, I was blessed with the opportunity to explore the world around me and, more importantly, the world within me. I found a great church home and immediately felt my spirit blossoming like a spring flower. As our relationship develops deeper, more completely, God reveals to me parts of His divine plan, helping me to understand my place and purpose in life. Each day that I live strengthens the love I have for Him and His plan.

I fell in love with myself. I cannot recall a time when I appreciated myself. While I am still growing into the person I want to be, I realize that I am just who God needs me to be right now. My self perception has improved immensely. Aside from the physical changes, I have changed my attitude. I have learned that God has a plan and a purpose for me, and that every challenge, every perceived failure, every hardship, every loss has been to show me a victory, success, a blessing, and a gain. My new vision, that sees the beauty in the obstacles of life, has brought to me a new joy, comparable to no other.

My new found love for me helped me to fall in love with someone else. I met a man with whom I'd planned to spend the rest of my life. I thought of him as everything I'd ever want in a man. And, while we ultimately didn't work out, I learned a lot from him. I learned that there are men who know how to treat a woman. There are those who respect and value women, those who will be good role models for future generations. I also learned that there was even more that I required of him, because there is more that God requires of me. So, inspite the difficulty of the break up, the tears, and broken hearts, I succeeded. I learned valuable lessons and continued to develop my own expectations for the man who God sends me later.

Most importantly, I fell in love with life. I fell in love with MY life. In fact, every day, I fall in love with life all over again. I have even begun to love my past. I am understanding how my past has helped me to become my present, and how my present will help to tailor my future. I am recognizing the beauty in pain, the hope in suffering, the knowledge of defeat, and the excitement in the unknown. I appreciate the simple days, the sweetness of sincerity, the rush of love and adventure, the enlightenment of learning, the blessing of life itself. I see my life as a masterpiece of God. There are dark lines, shadows, light, brilliance, color, beauty. Without any element of the painting, the work would cease to exist as it is. I am realizing daily the need for the struggle, the need for pain, the need for heartache. For without it, how can we appreciate their opposites? How can we love others and appreciate their pasts, their lives, if we can't our own?

God's Plan

"But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy." 2 Kings 5:11 (NIV)

There are many people who walk around daily in a perpetual state of depression and disappointment. They are frustrated by their jobs, their family situations, their finances, their love lifes, etc.

Sometimes, we pray to God to help us through circumstances, to heal us of our ailments-both physical and mental. We ask for cures for our cancers, instant healing. We ask for our dream jobs to just pop into our spaces, for money to miraculously fall into our bank accounts, for bills to pay themselves, for our future husbands/wives to run into us in the market and fall madly in love immediately. However, God doesn't always work the way we want Him to. His plans and our plans are sometimes very different.

In my life there have been numerous times when, inspite my best planning, things just didn't work out the way I'd expected them to. It has always, without fail, worked out though. In the end, I had been blessed with more than I'd ever even asked for. The challenges and difficulties I faced along the way, turned out to be for my betterment. I learned to appreciate my blessings. More importantly, I learned that God doesn't always fix our problems when and how we'd like Him to, but He always makes things work out for the better for those who trust and believe in Him. If we take the lessons He sends to us, if we trust that His plan is greater than our own, then we can grow closer to Him, accessing more and more of His blessings with each step.

God and Storms

God is the center of everything. There is no success, no failure, no breath that exists without Him. We thank God for the successes, we call Him when we are in the midst of storms, but we often fail to thank Him for the storm.
Storms are multifaceted, complex creations. If you ever sat back and reflected during a storm, you would be able to see so much of God's work at play. Each component of a storm is necessary for the circumstances that persist. For me, the analogy is perfect with the trials we encounter daily...some are showers, some are thunderstorms, others are hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis,earthquakes. Yet, inspite the seeming damage, the hurt, pain, devastation; there are other effects we often take for granted.
Think of the analogy a little more: the clouds that precede the storms are the small warnings that God sends. Sometimes, we pay attention to them (and prepare ourselves accordingly- we evacuate our homes, our relationships, our jobs, etc.) and have faith that God will carry us through the storm. Other times, we are so preoccupied with our own worlds that we don't hear Him. We forget to shut up and look up...and we are caught off guard. And, in these circumstances, the storms hit us hard...damage is much more extensive.
The rain, made of the water He made, cleanses our worlds. It sometimes rains so heavily that we have to stop what we are doing (ever been driving and couldn't see?) or it just sprinkles enough to clean our lenses...refocus our perspectives. If you look deeper, you can find the leaks in your umbrella with just a sprinkle (are you focusing too much on your man/woman? your job? your bank account?)
The thunder is God's way of speaking to us. He reminds us of His strength, of His power. The lightning is the light that guides His voice. The light that makes those of us who are deaf, SEE the beautiful strength and power of His creation.
The winds, blowing to cool us down, offer us fresh air to breathe. We are blessed with new ideas, new lives, new paths uncovered. Messages are carried in the wind...seeds are transported, life is replanted. When we resist the winds, instead of enjoying it, we stay where we are...and when that gets old; we have built walls around us so high we can't be blown away by any of the amazing miracles of God.
Embrace the storm...when you are damaged, no matter how severely, thank God for the chance to rebuild and make changes. Ask God to help mold you into the person He wants you to be. And when it is all over, enjoy the rainbow, and emerge with a smile, purified heart, and a down to earth attitude.
Recognize that storms happen for a variety of reasons:
1.) We have lost focus on Him and stopped following directions... we are then redirected.
2.) Our hearts, minds, souls are unclean, infested with temptation or evil thoughts, and He cleanses (sometimes scrubs) our hatred, jealousy, contempt, etc. away.
3.) To make sure that we always appreciate the green things we have been blessed with. To make sure that we see the beauty in the things He has created.
4.) To serve as testaments to His strength...and His mercy...remember Who brought you through that storm.
5.)To allow you to heal...we carry wounded hearts, we nurse our pains and aches, but we don't heal properly. He puts His ointment on it, takes away scars..and leaves some as a testimony, as evidence of what He can bring you through.
So, on a personal note, as I look through the storms in my past: Hurricane Rape, Hurricane Cancer, Tropical Storm Haters, Earthquakes of Death, etc., I thank God. A gem more valuable than a pearl and stronger than a diamond is being created. The beautiful delicacy of a butterfly is emerging...and in time, her wings will spread and His wind will carry her closer to Him.

Groupies....

I just finished reading this month's Essence magazine. I was intrigued by an article posted by Will Demps of the NY Giants. I was impressed by his willingness to expose a lifestyle in which many high profile individuals partake on a regular basis.

I've dated 'high-profile' men and found that women can be very trifling. I've sat at dinner while a woman came and asked my date to autograph her breast, right in front of me! I've seen how the women sneak up to the hotel rooms, how they find these men no matter where they go. They are sometimes so physically beautiful and damn near naked, and the men fall into the temptations of their flesh. Leaving us, the women at home, feeling inadequate and hurt.

Let me say, that I respect Will Demps so much more because he admitted to succumbing to his environmental pressures. But, more than that, he woke up from this lifestyle, at an early enough age, and decided that he'd rather find a serious relationship, instead of an empty set of women.

If I could write him a letter in response to his article, it would be one of encouragement; this is what I'd write:

Greetings Mr. Demps;

I know that you have received a million and four emails already in response to your article in Essence; please allow me to be one million and five. I am no groupie; I am not attempting to be or do anything except encourage you. (My favorite team is the Colts, anyway :) ) So, please, just hear me out.

You are a wonderfully handsome man; well spoken, intelligent, focused and driven. In this world, all of these attributes will get you far, but only so far. Too often, we succumb to the desires we think we have and sacrifice the blessing God wants us to have. I have done it as well- maybe not in the same ways you stated, but in equally damaging ways. But, I have been blessed with obstacles that have served to reshape the person that I am and my perspective on the world around me.

Without expounding too much on who I am, let me say that I almost completely understand where you are coming from in your article. I have had similar thoughts and I, too, want to be in a good healthy relationship with someone who respects me, trusts me, and loves me- and for whom I can willingly do the same. You are on the right track to finding her; she is out there…growing and developing to be ready for you She isn’t perfect either, but she will be perfect for you. You have to be open and willing to accept her and the responsibility that God gives you to love, cherish and honor her. She is growing right now into a person who can accept you and the similar responsibilities that God will give her for you. It is important for you to be with someone who will love you for you; not for your job, status, looks, etc. All this to say, be patient. Don’t settle for less than you deserve and don’t assume that just because you’ve made mistakes in the past, that you don’t deserve the best. You do. If you are patient and faithful, there is no doubt in my mind that you will have that. We both will.

Stay focused on your game, on your personal growth and development, and most importantly, on God and what He wants you to do. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take small risks with your heart. This is the same advice I give myself every morning. :)

If you ever just need a person to talk to, to be your friend before anything, and to secretly root for your team (while screaming for the Colts in public), you got one. No strings or expectations attached. I am just a person who likes to encourage and help build up others. I am more than blessed; so sharing is my pleasure.

Sincerely,


Nicole

Trust

Trust. Hmmm, that's a funny concept to me. Sit back and think about all of the people you trust. Think about how much faith you put in the important people in your life. Think about it.

So often, we put faith in our parents, in our friends, in our family, in ourselves. We know that if anything ever happened that these people we depend on would be there for us. We know that they always have our best interests at heart. We know they will be there to lift us when we fall. We know they will pray with us, over us, for us. We know....

But, in spite of all of these things that we know, we find out about something called disappointment. We find ourselves disappointed because these people whom we trusted, failed us. They hurt us. They became jealous. They became fearful. They were too tired to help out. They forgot us. They forgot what friends and family were for. They stop loving us.

Yet, we still trust in them. Time and time again. We still depend on them, despite concrete evidence of the danger and risk of such. Let me tell you the importance of the Promise.

God promised us, each of us, that He will protect us, guide us, love us, forever. He promised that things will work out for those who love Him. He loves us in spite our flaws. We can't hurt Him so badly that He turns His back on us. He forgives us before we forgive ourselves. And, He is never too tired to be there for us.

People are infallible, God isn't. People are selfish, God is benevolent and generous. People can be hateful, God IS LOVE UNCONDITIONAL. People are afraid of the unknown, God is omniscient and omnipresent. In the end, the message is this, put your cares in His hands. Depend on Him for help, guidance, and love. If you need love, know the God will provide it. In His love, you will find love from others. The right love, the right guidance, the right path. Without Him, you will have to lean on your friends, and who is holding them up? When they fall, so will you fall. When they break, so will you break. Don't hide under the twigs of small trees, hide in His tabernacle, behind a rock of stone...and sing His praises. :)

In this part of the journey....

In this part of my journey, when the world is blossoming and pure, I decided to do the same for myself. My heart, full of resentment and anger, bitter from the past, needed to be cleansed and rehabilitated. My mind needed to be nourished with knowledge and perspective. My soul was weak and dying and needed resuscitation. My body was aching and throbbing under the load I was carrying. My life needed healing. I was not growing, so I was dying.

I found Life again. I'd turned my back on Him. I'd questioned His methods, His will, His power. But, when I knocked on His door, I learned that He'd never closed it. He never turned His back on me. He never stopped loving me. And, as soon as I looked to Him, He rejuvenated me. He fed my mind and my soul. He healed my body. And, I was reborn. I was recreated and I have grown ever since.

Know that He is always with you. When you can't feel Him, He's there. When You don't see Him, He's there. He's just testing your faith. Trust Him, get to know Him, and lean on Him for all of your needs; He'll never disappoint you.

Another stage

So, in the last few months, I have been really trying to become a better person. I have tried diligently to go into my own mind and access the lessons I've already learned. It's not been easy.

But, I have learned alot of small lessons that have really shaped my world. I'll share some with you:

1. When you stop looking for it, it will appear. This goes for everything, from keys to love.
2. God never fails. And, with Him, you can't either.
3. Just because it doesn't work the way YOU wanted it to doesn't mean it didn't work out the way it was SUPPOSED to.
4. Every obstacle makes you appreciate the smoother terrain. Sometimes, we encounter dips in the road; other times, we find bumps. Still, we also find straight road blocks, closed roads. When you need a new route, consult your GPS (God's Prayer and Scripture).
5. Love yourself as much as God loves you. You can never find true love if you don't love yourself.
6. Leave your past in the past. It's heavy. Sure, take a souvenir so that you can remember the lessons, but leave the baggage behind.
7. Smile. When they piss you off, smile. When they hurt you, smile. It is a powerful statement.
8. Never let anyone steal your joy. By letting them get to you, you empower them. Empower yourself and walk away. It's not being a coward, it's being brave enough to not care what they think.
9. If you have haters, then you are doing something right. Even Jesus had haters, remember?
10. Never go against your personal beliefs, no matter the temptation, no matter the person you are trying to impress. In the end, the emptiness is much harder to overcome than the temptation ever could have been.

I Salute You

Do fallen soldiers wear their uniforms in heaven? Do they get to keep their purple hearts? Do they walk through the pearly gates, shouting 'Hoo rah' to Jesus? For those who have fallen, I salute you. For my brothers and sisters who are still serving, still fighting, I salute you.

I may not agree with the politics that prompted and perpetuate this war, but I do respect you for serving your country and honoring a mission. I personally thank you for the many sacrifices that you have made to ensure my own way of life. I know firsthand, the freedoms that you give up so that I may experience them. The curfews you abide by, so that I don't have to; the oath of loyalty that you take, so that I may make use of the 1st amendment; the distance from your loved ones, so that I may be with mine. Each day that you serve, each act of sacrifice, is not unnoticed. It is what you do everyday that keeps us safe. It is the fact that you believe, at least in your job, that keeps the world a better place.

I pray for all of you. I pray for those who have fallen, that their hearts be pure and their souls of God. I pray for those serving, that they too follow Christ, but also that they find peace, safety, serenity, and wisdom in their time. Thank you for serving our country. Thank you for serving our world.

Cultural Differences: Only in Korea...*

You know you are in Korea when...

1. ...SPAM is a delicacy.
2. ...you get a SPAM gift basket at a holiday, and are elated!
3. ... you paid $80 for that said SPAM basket.
4. ... your children go to school until 11pm.
5. ... a nice haircut resembles the Sonic the Hedgehog style.
6. ... mini skirts without hoisery is acceptable in 20 degree weather.
7. ... traffic backs up for miles because someone got pulled over.
8. ... the bus driver gets off the bus to fight another driver (on the highway!)
9. ... the passengers of the said bus begin placing bets on who is going to win!
10. ... there is a coffee shop on EVERY corner.
11. ... you have to stop at EVERY mirror (or reflective material) on your way home.
12. ...a promise of saltine crackers will get kids to do anything.
13. ... bus stops are created because an ajuma (old lady) tells the bus driver to stop so she
doesn't have to walk.
14. ... every store sells identical clothing.
15. ... none of the English makes any sense.
16. ... parents bring their children to English academy wearing shirts that says 'F#%$ it B!
^(#$!!' and is not aware of the meaning.
17. ... a size 8 (in American sizes) is considered plus size.
18. ... there is no shoe store that sells shoes over an American 8.5 for women.
19. ... the buses are like coach buses in America. (The seats RECLINE ya'll!)
20. ... McDonald's JUST started selling hotcakes.
21. ... Outback steakhouse is the top of the line restaurant.
22. ... a fully furnished apartment has no furniture.
23. ... a luxury apartment has no oven.
24. ...the mafia can manage your apartment building.
25. ...braided hair is called 'reggae' (pronounced 'leggae')
26. ...pornography has zero nudity (just the concept I suppose).
27. ...people laugh more with the porn than anything.... (awh, ney, ney, ney) I'm cracking up!
28. ...there is no difference between breakfast food and dinner food. (Kimchi, anyone?)
29. ...all of your garbage has to be put in pink bags...just to be mixed in with all of the rest.
30. ... immigration can just violently accost you without identifying themselves and accuse you
of being an 'Illegal african immigrant.' (and they don't expect you to punch the hell out of
them either!!)
31. ... police officers don't carry guns.
32. ... NO ONE has guns.
33. ...the homicide rate is more than 20 times lower than the suicide rate.
34. ...you can do all of your clothes shopping in the metro station.
35. ... 90 year old grannies can text message faster than you.


More to come soon.


* Please note: This is not meant to be culturally insensitive. It's only meant to highlight some of the differences that exist between the US and Korea. JUST LAUGH!!

Things I am learning everyday:

1. God is amazing. I've always known it, but seeing it everyday is still awesome.
2. I am exactly who I am supposed to be. I have to be content with who I am.
3. Everything I do, everything I experience (good or bad) is a blessing and an opportunity to
grow.
4. People come into your life for a reason and a season. We don't get to determine either of those
things. So just learn to go with the flow.
5. There is no room in the world for cowards. You have to be able to stand up for what's right
and know when to back down (bite down, lol -Caleshia).
6. Peace doesn't come from a political resolution... there is only one Grantor of Peace.
7. Sometimes, smiling when you think you can't proves that you can.
8. We are all created for His purpose. Sometimes, the things we want aren't the things we need.
And somethings we will get when the time is right.
9. There is a beginning AND an end to EVERYTHING under the sun... we don't get to determine
them either.
10. Fear is no reason to quit. When the future is unknown, don't fear it... enter it in faith.

It's in the past;you can't change it now...Or can You?

The Prime Minister of Japan has decided to change history. Today, he declared that the sexual enslavement of Korean and Chinese women did not happen. Amazing how history changes.

Here's the article:

The New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/06/world/asia/06japan.html?em&ex=1173330000&en=d13181bd37397406&ei=5087%0A

March 6, 2007

No Apology for Sex Slavery, Japan’s Prime Minister Says
By MARTIN FACKLERTOKYO, March 5 — Prime Minister Shinzo Abe said Monday that Japan would refuse to comply if the United States Congress demanded an apology for his nation’s use of foreign women as sexual slaves during World War II.Japan has already lobbied against a resolution, under consideration in the House of Representatives, that would call on Tokyo to take clearer responsibility for its enslavement of some 200,000 mostly Korean and Chinese women known euphemistically here as “comfort women.”

Japan has apologized before and issued a major report in 1993. But there are widespread concerns that Mr. Abe and other conservative Japanese lawmakers may try to water down or reverse such admissions of guilt as part of a broader push to revise their nation’s wartime history.Speaking in Parliament, Mr. Abe reiterated the position of conservative scholars here that Japanese officials and soldiers did not have a hand in forcing women into brothels, instead blaming any coercion on contractors used by Japan’s military.

Mr. Abe rejected testimony before a House committee by surviving victims, who said they had been kidnapped by Japanese soldiers to serve in military brothels. He said “testimony to the effect that there had been a hunt for comfort women is a complete fabrication.”He also criticized the proposed House resolution, which blames Japanese authorities for the coercion, saying it “was not based in objective fact, and does not consider the Japanese government’s measures so far.”Political analysts said ignoring the House resolution, which is nonbinding, was not likely to drive a wedge between Tokyo and Washington, its most important ally.

The fear among Japanese diplomats is that Mr. Abe or other Japanese politicians will overreact and make claims that reinforce the perception in the United States and elsewhere that Japan remains unrepentant for its wartime aggression, analysts said.“It just looks bad for the prime minister to be getting involved in these sorts of historical details,” said Minoru Morita, a political analyst who runs an independent research institute in Tokyo. “Plus, his argument isn’t going to sway world opinion anyway. Even if the military wasn’t pointing guns at the women, they still could have been coerced.”Apparently in a nod to such concerns, Mr. Abe appeared to pull back from a comment last week denying that the women had been forced at all to work in brothels.

On Monday, he told Parliament he supported the 1993 government statement, which acknowledged that the military had at least an indirect role in forcing the women into sexual slavery.That government had also apologized to the women and set up a fund to pay them compensation, which is set to expire this month.“There probably was not anyone who followed that path because they wanted to follow it,” Mr. Abe said, speaking of the women’s entry into military brothels. “In the broad sense, there was coercion.”With that limited concession, Mr. Abe appeared to be trying to defuse a growing diplomatic row with Asian neighbors over last week’s denial, which outraged officials and women’s groups across the region.As opinion polls show his approval falling among Japanese voters, Mr. Abe can ill afford to be seen as provoking China and South Korea, much less undermining ties with the United States, political analysts and opposition lawmakers said.“If Japan doesn’t apologize and repent for its past violations of human rights, won’t it lose international trust?” a lawmaker from the opposition Democratic Party, Toshio Ogawa, asked Mr. Abe during Monday’s parliamentary debate.

Mr. Morita and others said that vowing to ignore the possible House resolution appeared to be an attempt by Mr. Abe to appease his conservative base even as he supported the 1993 statement.But Mr. Abe’s claims that Japan had no official role in its military brothels carried another potential public relations risk, they said: in making such denials, he was in effect dismissing as liars the aging women now coming forward with tearful testimony of their ordeals.One was Lee Yong-soo, 78, from South Korea, who testified in the House last month that she had been kidnapped by Japanese soldiers at age 16 and raped repeatedly at an army brothel.

In a news conference last week in Tokyo, she said Japanese soldiers had dragged her from her home, covering her mouth so she could not call to her mother.“I want Japan and the Japanese prime minister to apologize,” she said. “As a victim who was forcibly taken, as someone who lived through those events, I’m a living witness.”

History can be Changed...See?

Yes, this is a major issue here in Korea. Women are furious. Japan has a very unambiguous reputation of ‘revising’ their history. The books are modified to enhance Japan’s position by removing their own heinous crimes or elucidating and highlighting those of others. But, I must say this in response: The United States, who is seeking to ameliorate its current international political woes by bringing positive attention to their actions, is also guilty of the same heinous crimes. Moreover, they are guilty of altering and completely reconstructing history to improve their own images as well. They may not have called them ‘comfort women’ in our case… but most were called ‘colored women’… same difference.

The problem here is a matter of social education. In an effort to increase patriotism, reduce violent crimes, and maintain an entire country that adheres to basic religious tenets, both countries have had to conceal past actions (and some hide current actions) to provide an example for their inhabitants to follow. American History cannot be taught as it really occurred because, in doing this, students would learn that in order to become a superpower, or ‘the best,’ it is acceptable to lie, cheat, steal, kill (and let be massacred), covet our neighbors’ possessions (oil, diamonds, ahem!), disrespect your roots (take a quick look at immigration, or on the basis by which the US was founded to clarify this), and to put your country before God (we can’t pray in school, but we can ‘pledge allegiance to a flag’), and so forth. Japan, likewise, has a history of deception and boundless massacres. And, they too have achieved great things for their actions.

Now, suddenly, the world cares? No. The great powers on Earth are afraid of losing in the race for late penalties for their actions. It’s not until a country gains major status, that they cover the trail of how they got there. Japan’s prime minister is no exception. George W. Bush is no exception. Tony Blair is no exception. And all the while, women are finding their ‘comfort’ status all over the world. Who is fighting for them? Who even acknowledges them? Everyday, tears fall on another woman who has been forced to satisfy someone else…our own country’s leadership takes advantage of women; what is happening in other countries, especially developing countries?

The Battle for Peace of Mind

We often describe vacilations between our hearts and our minds, but seldom do we really explore the incongruencies of our conscious and our subconscious selves. Within the same structure, the mind is often at war with itself-our daylight fights till dusk with our nights who then fight till dawn with day. Our dreams uncover many of the hidden mysteries of our subconscious. We see what we want to be or have, what we are afraid of the most, what we don't want to accept as part of our realities. When we have dreams, we declare them to be fantasies or unreal adaptations of the circumstances that are present in our conscious lives. As we awaken, we witness the battleground of the war of the minds...and frequently, as we struggle to remember the details of our dreams, we see our consciousness winning the war to supress the enemy.

Likewise, the struggle continues in the waking hours, when we feel that 'sixth sense' about something. The battle trudges along as we make decisions without thinking, take risks, and challenge th face value of the world around us. We say things like 'Deep down inside, I know..." or "I don't know why, but..." to introduce our subconscious. And when we go along with our gut feelings, our instincts, the victory goes to the subconscious.

And sometimes, you walk the line in a tie. And what does this have to do with anything?, you may be asking.

Several years ago, I was gang raped. I struggled on both levels to deal with the the pain and the physical and mental scars that were left afterwards. I focused my energies to physical recovery first, and intended to move on to the mental recovery. But, as life has it, I didn't really get the opportunity to really deal with things, as I was bombarded with more pressing issues, like fighting cancer, growing spiritually, and making a future for myself. Dealing with the past seemed unnecessary since I never thought I'd need to revisit it. I mean, why cry over spilled milk, right?

I graduated with honors from undergrad, suma cum laude from graduate school, and excelled in my chosen profession, teaching. I began to find unrelenting happiness. It was as if I were climbing a ladder, and the higher I climbed, the happier I felt. I have become so much more confident in myself, I've learned to love who I am, where I am from, and have grown so much spiritually. I decided to make my life what I wanted it to be. And this worked, at least while I was awake. I was often plagued with nightmares, but I was blessed with conscious amnesia. So, until last year, I ,essentially, was doing fine.

It is so easy to talk yourself into believing something to be true, even if it isn't completely accurate. The mind is strong, powerful, unbelievably deceptive at times, but simultaneously brutally honest. I'd convinced myself that I was over it. That I'd survived and moved on. I really believed it, too.

Then, in the market, I looked up to see one of my predators staring face to face with me. He was with his family. I froze. I couldn't move. I was so terrified. My dreams rushed to the front of my mind, the pain returned. I could almost smell him. I returned to that moment. Tears fell. I lost again. Defeat hurts.

I cried a little that night. Told myself to get over it, and seemingly moved on. Maybe it was my subconscious calling out, but shortly after, I moved to S. Korea. Coincidence? Probably not.
I took this opportunity to further my personal and spiritual growth. I did this for me. I have never been happier.

But one week ago, as I was waiting for the bus, I found myself again, staring straight into the face of another predator. This time, I didn't freeze so much. This time, he didn't completely recognize me. But my spirit was paralyzed. I wanted so much to just quit everything and leave. At the first signs of drama at home, I was getting ready to pack up and go home. Any excuse to get away. In an attempt to be honest with my boyfriend, I partially told him what was going on and how I felt. But, I almost gave in to the idea that I would not come to visit him, as he lives near to where I'd seen my past. I kept thinking, "DAMN IT!! I'm in SOUTH KOREA for God sakes!!!!!"

Here's where now, I just have to face the things my subconscious has been trying to resolve for years. So, I will make my declarations public, so that all the world knows how I can never be defeated like this again.
1. I was a victim of a horrible crime. I regret that my fear and compassion for others kept me from finding closure in reporting the crime to authorities.
2. I AM NO LONGER A VICTIM, I am now a VICTOR. I have excelled in all of my ventures, survived every blow life has dealt, and continue to THRIVE. I am unstoppable.
3. No weapon formed against me shall prosper: Not physical weapons, not mental weapons, not spiritual weapons. I am protected. I am saved and 'safe from all hurt, harm, danger, and evil.' (thanks mommy)
4. I am blessed with love, life, and happiness. These things cannot be destroyed. Love conquers all, life eternal is guaranteed, and happiness is guarded with everything I am. NO ONE will ever steal my joy again.
5. It is okay for me to remember my past. But I have to FORGIVE all the people who have ever tried to do harm to me. And from this moment, they are forgiven. From this moment, their actions have no control over me. I am free.

Now, a message to them:

To the twelve: I may have fallen once, but I got back up and that makes me stronger than you. You could not keep me down. So, in the end, I win. And please be advised, I am a child of God. You cannot hurt me anymore. The people in the world may never know what you did, but God knows. And, the penalty that you face is far worse than anything you could ever do to me. This war is over. You are hereby forced to surrender.

I win, game over.

Winter Finishline!

Right now, as February is just starting, it is still difficult to imagine the blooms and colors that March and April will bring. Many of us are so boggled down by the various shades of grey that pervade our daily lives, that the ability to look into the rich beauty of the Spring eludes us. For most, it is too much to bring color into their lives today by borrowing it from tomorrow. We get so bogged down with the present moment we can’t even think about what’s happening this weekend, much less next month!
And, understandably so. This is where creativity, imagination, and positive thinking come into play. You see, we each have the propensity to endure long harsh winters because everyone of us possesses a unique visual capacity that resides behind our eyes. Our brain is capable of seeing what it wants to see and overlooking those things that it would prefer not to see. With this amazing feature, we are able to create our own color. All we have to do is alter the way we think about our vision.
For me, winter is a wonderful time of the year because I see images as a child would see a page of a coloring book. I can make the people in my life any color I want, I can add to what I see, black out those things I don’t need/want to see. But my advantage over the kid is far reaching: I don’t have to limit my imagination to the 8, 12, 24 or 96 colors in the box. I can mix and match in ways before impossible. And, with this vision, I can bring color into my life and spread a little color in the lives of others.
On a more physical note, I also engage in some winter survival activities to alleviate the inherent stress involved in snow storms, high cold, biting winds, ice, heavy coats, and shared grumpiness.
1. I add color to my own wardrobe. Many people fall into the pattern of wearing blacks, grays, dull browns, and dark blues exclusively. By bringing out the reds, yellows, and oranges, you share a sense of warmth. Blues, purples, and greens tend to bring out feelings of refreshing peace. You not only feel the affects within yourself, but against a backdrop of grays, whites, and blacks, you stand out and look beautiful in the process.
2. I wear makeup more often. In the winter, you can wear glittery stuff (eye shadows, lipsticks/glosses) more easily because of the representations of snow that glitter carries. It’s fun, it makes you feel good and you certainly look great. Wearing natural tones, and just enough makeup to highlight your features, let’s people see your natural beauty (our skin is usually much clearer in the winter than in the summer) and makes them focus on your jazzed up wardrobe.
3. I smile. I smile at EVERYONE, no matter how I feel when I leave in the morning. I smile anyway. I find that one thing in life that makes me smile and think about it all day. Smiling at others makes you feel better, and believe it or not, makes other people feel better. Many times, people will reflect what they experience…so smiling at someone might lead to someone smiling back!

Enjoy your February!

Nicole in Korea: January Edition!

Greetings!

I hope this entry finds you all in great and wonderful spirits. I have been so busy lately, it’s been taking a bit of time to get back to some of the emails I’ve been receiving. I love to read them though, so keep ‘em coming!

Anyway, here’s my news update for the January Edition:

1. On Saturday night, we had an earthquake here. It was pretty exciting. I hadn’t realized they had earthquakes here in Korea. So, it was pretty unexpected! It wasn’t serious (4.4 on the Richter).
2. I am becoming a star…lol… I am in a commercial for my gym. I saw it last week for the first time…it was pretty fun. I am also going to be on television in a new commercial (for an Indian food restaurant) on the 31st!
3. I got a new digital camera so I will be taking more pictures... the ones I attached are just some from my weekend outings. J
4. I won a dance contest—not belly dancing, booty dancing. I must admit though that I had an unfair advantage over the other people…I have a butt (and hips). I annihilated them!!! I won $$ and free drinks… and since I don’t drink, I have a lot of new friends…lol…
5. I went skiing and didn’t break anything. I had a blast, mastered the 50 yard tumble…but nothing broke! It was great. I went snow tubing, snow boarding, and when we’d frozen beyond belief, we went for spa treatments! God, it’s nice to be able to have some 4 foot 2 man jump on your back and make your muscles relax!!
6. I have been working winter intensives so I have been at work from 8am until about 11pm. Lot’s of time at work…can’t wait for the check in a couple of weeks…whooo hooo!! Besides I LOVE my job!
7. I am still belly dancing and loving it. I will be headed to Japan in one month for another competition. I seem to be pretty good…maybe that was the key to my success…lol…
8. I posted some pretty silly New Year’s Celebration videos on my myspace page… you can check them out. I am just being silly (I promise no alcohol!) www.myspace.com/msdoriannicole (click on ‘view my videos’ under the profile picture)
9. My health is finally under control. I am in complete remission. I am not sure how, but that’s what the doctors have been telling me. God works in ways we haven’t even the capacity to understand.
10. I manage to feel at least 10% happier than I did the day before…it’s like: How happy can one person be? I smile so much my cheeks hurt at the end of the day!

Everything is just amazing. I can’t even list all of the wonderful things that are happening to me right now.

I can’t think of everything I am sure. All I do remember and thank God for everyday is this overwhelming peace of mind and real genuine happiness. When you get to a point in life where nothing and no one can steal your joy, you are really living. Everyday, my smile gets brighter and wider, my spirit soars higher, and my stomach aches because of the feast of laughter. I love life, and it seems to love me right back! I even wrote Oprah and told her about it. J

I have no idea when I am coming back... but you’ll know when I know. In the meantime… SMILE!! If you are up for sending care packages, I would like a couple of things from the states…just cuz:
1. Starburst (tropical fruit)
2. Vanilla Oreos (mmmm)
3. cheap walmart/target tshirts like to wear outside though…not undershirts.. (size M?)

That’s it I suppose. I have found almost everything else! See…what a wonderful world! I miss you guys… be good and send me updates about what’s happening in your lives. I want pictures!

Love Always,

Doriannicole


P.S. John, that little flannel and vest are getting their use!!! Whoo.. I am SOOOO glad to have them… it is so cold over here! Thanks again. :)